i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You made out with two different species that night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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