Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
