Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
