is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
