omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
