I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
