If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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