Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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