If i come over, it means nothing
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
