vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
