6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
