Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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