the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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