I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
