omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
