Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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