shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
