you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
