I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
