shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
