I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
