i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just cropdusted the office
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
