so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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