Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
