We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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