I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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