Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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