i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
