Tell her she can't have a vagina
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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