The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
