It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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