I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
