Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
