What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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