How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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