My first STD was from a foam party
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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