I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need to sanitize my soul.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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