the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
