You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
