tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
