I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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