She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
