Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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