man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
