Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
