Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
