Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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