I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
