I can't breathe out the right side of my face
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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