My friends, they love my intelligence
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
