R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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