i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
