While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
