Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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