I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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