im six kinds of drunk right now
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
