no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
