Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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